HELPFUL LINGUISTIC SKILLS
Language is a powerful tool and the way it is used in solution building reflects many years of paying attention for the words and phrases which seem to best promote solution building by clients. With this in mind, we want to point out that the following words and phrases are especially useful. As you study and practice your part as a practitioner in solution-building conversations, return to this guide often and check whether you are making frequent use of these skills.
•Suppose, (pause) . . .
This is a good word to help clients begin to imagine an alternative future to a problematic situation without promising that their preferred future will occur. Since it takes considerable effort for clients to set aside the intrusion of problem focused thoughts, it is good practice to use pauses to help clients make the transition to thinking about alternatives to problems.
eg. “Suppose your daughter were respectful of you, (pause) . . . what would she notice you doing differently with her?”
•Instead
It is quite normal for clients to not know what they want when they first meet with a practitioner. The process of sorting this out usually begins by talking about what they do not want. Therefore, be prepared to repeatedly help clients to define what they want by building from what they find troublesome. The word “instead” is very useful.
eg. “What would you do instead of ‘screaming at the kids’?”
•“When,” not “if”
“When” encourages a future focus and creates more hope that a different life could happen. “If” retains the future focus, but introduces more doubt.
eg. “When you smile at him and talk to him in a normal voice, what will be different around your house?”
•“How come?”
This question is less confrontational than “why” and asks: “What were you thinking?”
eg. “How come you decided to run away from home?”
•Using silence and responding to “I don’t know”
The questions we ask clients are difficult and require thought; they often fall silent or say “I don’t know.” When that happens in your interviews, we suggest:
-(first) sitting back, looking expectantly at the client, and waiting for an answer,
-saying: “I am asking you some tough questions” and wait some more,
-saying: “Suppose you knew the answer” or “If you were to guess, what would you say?”
-using relationship questions, eg. “What would your teacher say that she sees that tells her that you no longer have this problem?”
-reviewing how the case came to you; that is, looking at who is the “real client” in this case, that is, the person who wants something different; then proceed to relationship questions built around the “real client”: eg. “What do you suppose the judge wants to see different as a result of our talking.”
•Difference questions
Clients make changes when they notice something is different in their lives; the difference gives them ideas about what they can do to bring on further changes. Therefore, expect to use the word “different” frequently in your questions.
egs. “What will you notice different about your husband that will let you know that a miracle has happened and his problems related to his drinking are solved?”
“How will you know that it is really different this time?”
“What difference would that make in your relationship with him?”
•Tentative language
Tentative language is a consensus building language; it invites and allows space for the listener to offer perceptions and ideas on the topic.
egs. “I wonder what will happen when . . . .” “Could it be that . . .” “Perhaps . . .”
“Is it possible that . . .”
•So . . .
A very useful word to employ in order to break in on clients who are “non-stop, problem talkers” who “control” the session with such talk. Once clients have some time to express their difficulties and reactions, use “so” followed by a paraphrase or empathic statement and then move on to solution-focused questions. Solution building depends on purposeful questioning by the practitioner; the use of “so” signals to the client that a topic change is coming and gives the practitioner a device to redirect the conversation in a more useful direction.
eg. “So, I can see that you have been through a lot; (pause) . . . when things start to go better, what will be different?”
•Wow!!!
We have been amazed to discover that not all languages, in comparison to English, have the equivalent of this word.
Insoo is well known for her frequent use of this word to convey to the client her admiration, curiosity, support, and reinforcement of their successful solutions in interviews. With changes in intonation, emphasis on different words, and various nonverbal cues, a practitioner can convey a great deal to a client. We suggest that you practice many different ways of using this very unique English word.
•Words or Phrases to Avoid
-Why?
“Why” is often heard as an accusation or challenging word that implies the client made a mistake; it often encourages defensiveness on the part of the client. Do not ask: “Why did you run away?”
-“You want to , don’t you?”
Such questions reflect the practitioner’s frame of reference and thereby minimize the importance of what the client wants different. Do not ask: “You want to get a job don’t you?”
-“Yes, but . . .”
If you find yourself using this phrase, it is a pretty good indication that you are about to engage in a debate with your client. We often can influence a client’s way of thinking, but we cannot win a debate or an argument. If you find yourself saying these words, it is a pretty good clue that you need to do something different. Get in the habit of catching yourself in time and experiment with some other phrase. A good beginning would be asking: “So what has to be different as a result of our meeting today for you to say our time together was worthwhile?” Using one of the “question lead-ins” which follow might also prove useful.
QUESTION LEAD-INS
Sometimes the most difficult aspect of trying out a new concept is getting started. This tool lists a few of the lead-ins used in solution-focused questioning.
Make use of Who, What, When, Where, and How. Again, avoid the word “why” because of the negative or hostile tone
it can convey.
Lead-in possibilities:
-How will things be different?
-What will you notice about . . .
-Perhaps . . .
-I am not certain, do you suppose . . .
-Suppose . . .
-It seems. . .
-Is it possible . . .
-How do you want your life to be different?
-What will you do instead?
-How did you do that?
-How did you figure out how to do that?
-What else . . .
-What did you notice. . .
-What did your colleagues, supervisors, family, boss notice . . .
-Tell me the reason (instead of why?)
-Did you notice?
-What would it take?
-What would you change?
-What small change would you make?
-So . . . .
-How will you know?
-When things are different . . .
-How would that be helpful?
-What tells you that you are better?
-What is better?
-Tell me about. . .
-How can I be helpful?
-What would be helpful?
-What have you heard?
-Anything else. . .
-How do you know?
COMPLIMENTING
Purpose: For clients to notice what they do that is good for themselves.
Direct Compliments:A statement with a positive attribute or a positive reaction to a client’s statement.
Examples: I like the way you dress her; That’s good; That’s great!; WOW!
Rule of Thumb:Use such statements sparingly, but use positive reactions frequently; both are better when they reflect the client’s values.
Indirect Compliments:A question that implies something positive.
Type #1:When asking questions, use the same words that clients use when they describe a desired outcome.
Examples: How have you “managed” to make “the household so calm?” What other times have you used your “small mouth?”
Type #2:Imply compliments “through” relationships.
Examples:• What do you suppose the social worker noticed when you talked to her that lets her know you are making progress with your treatment?
• The principal says all the teachers have noticed some big improvements. What would you guess they’ve noticed about you?
Note: Because the worker is not the source of compliments these can be easier for the client to respond to.
Type #3:Imply that the client knows he or she is doing what is good for him or her.
Examples: Instead of saying “that’s good,” ask, “How did you decide that was good for you?” or “How did you know that would help with your son?” or “How did you figure out that it will work?”
Rule of Thumb: Type #3 is most effective because the client discovers his own resource.
Note: Often, clients respond by telling you how they know what is right for them, i.e., what their values are (rather than the worker imposing values). Also, this frequently initiates self-compliments, which follow.
Self Compliments: A statement made by the client saying they do what is good for themselves.
Examples:• I decided to quit using cocaine because I got smart.
• I decided that since I was going to school, anyway, I might as well do some work.
Rule of Thumb: React to the client statement with curiosity. Self-compliments can be an early sign of progress. Later in treatment, a contact dominated by self-compliments indicates the client is near termination.
Using Client Reactions:
Reminder: Your goals are for clients to notice positive changes and not for them to accept compliments.
Acceptance: Some clients accept compliments easily. Frequently these are the clients who also give compliments which the therapist should appreciate though not necessarily accept, especially if the therapist is being given credit for the client’s positive changes.
Downplay/Rejection: Some clients reject or downplay compliments, saying in effect, that it is “nothing much.” In this case, therapists may preface compliments like this, “You may find this hard to believe, but in my experience of working with your kind of situation...”
Rule of Thumb: Always use your professional intuition and common sense judgment to guide you in your use of compliments.